dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
