I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
