U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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