i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
