It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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