Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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