Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
