some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
