He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
