I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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