11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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