call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Farmville is her only friend.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
