She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
