I just threw up on my dentist
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
