If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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