I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
