I think I won the penis lottery.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
