i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
