I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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