If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
