Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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