Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
