Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
