I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
