I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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