I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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