i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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