i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
