when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
