the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
zippers are such a cool invention
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
