Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
