Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize