Dual....:-)
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
