just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize