I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
