4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
