Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He shit in the fireplace
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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