sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
