Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
this just has baby written all over it
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
