If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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