Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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