just survived the first fart of the relationship.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
