when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
