her vagine was all disorganized.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
