To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
