I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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