Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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