Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
