i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
