The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
