you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
