I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
