so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
