I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
