yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
