you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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