You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
