Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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