i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
