Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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