"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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