why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
There r osticjed everywhere
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize