So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
