i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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