Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
