Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
