I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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