Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
ttyl tear gas
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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