he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize