yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
