Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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