We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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