apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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