He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
