Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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